


achilles come down

by librahater



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Post-Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:53:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28021965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/librahater/pseuds/librahater
Summary: It hurts. It hurts for Jean to look at Eren. For Jean to see Eren become everything he used to despise. He wishes he could just go back in time. To save Eren before this monster was created. Was there ever a point in time in which he could have prevented this? Was Eren ever savable?
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager
Comments: 6
Kudos: 94





	achilles come down

Jean wonders how much the Eren from 4 years ago would hate the Eren he is now. He can’t remember the last time he smiled. Sometimes, when they both lay down on their stiff, poorly stitched mattress, he’ll rub away the furrowed muscle between Eren’s brows while he is asleep. Even while in deep slumber, Eren manages to look angry at the whole world. He should wake him up. He should take him by the shoulders and rock him back and forth so hard his brain aches in his skull. Anything if it means knocking some sense into the prideful kid's head. Instead, Jean would simply twist the silky strands of hair behind Eren’s ear and ignore the burning in his eyes. Maybe Jean is the one dreaming? He wishes someone would wake **him** up.

He can’t meet Eren’s gaze. What’s the appropriate word for both sorrow and fury? They were the only two emotions he felt from Eren’s hard stare. _You’ll get wrinkles from all that glaring_ , he joked, resting a heavy palm on the nape of Eren’s neck and caressing the trickle of hair with his thumb. Eren tilted his head towards his voice, and feline green eyes squinted through the inky ribbons spilling across his forehead. Jean felt his stomach churn at the boy’s empty eyes. They looked haunted. The purpling under his eyes looked like someone had taken a fist to them. But that would never happen. Jean would **never** let that happen. 

Jean only sees some semblance of vulnerability when they are in the bedroom. With Eren’s head shyly hidden against Jean’s collar bone. Eren’s fingers digging into his spine as he released timid whimpers along the column of Jean’s neck. He offers Eren comforting shushes and wraps his torso into a warm embrace. Perhaps if he squeezes hard enough, their bodies will meld together. Jean wishes he could crawl between the crevices of the titan-boys ribcage and make a home there. Then he could protect him. Make sure his heart doesn’t rot.

He thrusts Eren harder into the mattress, and Eren claws at his back. It feels as if he will plow his fingers in and messily rip Jean’s spinal cord out. A little voice in the back of Jean’s head reminds him that Eren was fully capable of doing so. He pins his thumbs down onto Eren’s hip bones but then pulls back his hands before he can bruise them. Instead, he plants his hands on his hips and rubs endearing circles into the jutted bones while whispering sweet nothings into Eren’s flushed cheeks.

_I love you._

_You’re my everything._

_I don’t know what I would do without you._

_I would die for you._

Eren clutches Jean’s neck and forces their foreheads together. His eyes are closed, but his face looks sirene. He whispers his own affectionate words back to Jean.

_I would kill for you._

Jean is glad Eren’s eyes are closed in that moment.

Afterward, Jean rested on his side, facing away from Eren. His chest lazily rising as he steadied his breath, and his heartbeat is lulled to a soft, rhythmic beat. He closes his heavy eyelids and swallows a deep breath. The kind that expands your stomach until it hurts. He gradually released the air through his nostrils and felt the stream tickle his cupid’s bow. He felt himself on the brink of dreaming until he heard the rustling of sheets. His ears perked as Eren shuffled behind him. Was he getting up? Where was he going? He held his breath as Eren draped his figure across his back and rested his weight upon his shoulder blades. Jean felt as if the whole world was resting on his shoulders. The weight was crushing; it was like Jean couldn’t breathe. He stilled, hoping Eren didn’t know he was awake.

Eren craned his neck to press soft lips onto the shell of his ear. _I’m gonna devour you whole_ , he croaked. _I fight monsters every day to protect us. To protect you. I tear them limb from limb. Pry their carcasses apart with my bare hands. I wear their shattered ribs like a crown. Every day I fight monsters, and yet, I slowly feel myself becoming one. It’s funny. I rip the throats out of those things and mindlessly eat them. I think it’s beginning to transform me. Every one of those devils I snuff out only adds to my own inhumanity. It’s like evil never disappears; it only passes on. I am them. And I think...I think you’re_ ** _me_ **_now. Not the current me but-but the younger me. I’m the soulless monster towering over you while you tremble with fear. And now, we get to see what happens. Either I’m gonna devour you_ -Eren’s fingertips squeeze his bicep into a bruising grip- _Or you’re gonna rip my throat out._

Eren buried the cold tip of his nose into the crease of Jean’s neck and sighed. Jean tried not to squirm from the tickle of his breath. He slowly slid off of his body and nestled back into the sheets. Jean patiently waited, staring at the spilling beams of moonlight from the blinds, until he heard Eren’s breathing settle into a soothing rhythm. Any remnant of drowsiness was gone. It was like a bucket of icy water was dumped on his head. How could he sleep after hearing that?

Jean felt an ache in his throat. He didn’t know whether he was withholding a sob or a laugh. He couldn’t do either. Not with Eren resting beside him. He couldn’t worry the boy like that. Jean debated if Eren even deserved the peace of mind. Jean **should** be screaming. He should have told Eren he sounded batshit crazy. But he didn’t. Why didn’t he?

Eren unconsciously rearranged himself and tossed an arm across Jean’s waist. Jean snaked his arm up, searching for Eren’s. His hands were freezing, the type of freezing that is painful. But his trembling hands met Eren’s limp ones, and he shielded Eren’s from the biting cold. 

Why didn’t he?

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first ever fanfic ever. I hope it wasn't, like, absolutely atrocious. I'm not really sure if this counts as spoilers since none of this really happens? I suppose the only aspect that is spoiler-ish is Eren going batshit crazy. But I tried not to spoil anything directly. Not to mention this is kinda canon divergence? The fic implies Eren is fighting titans instead of the Marleyans but, I suppose he does both idk what idea I had in my head. But it definitely doesn't follow the current canon. I don't know what the plan was for this, to be honest. I just kind of started writing and was being rambly. I thought I might as well post it because why not, you know? I hope you guys didn't hate it!


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